I have been absent due to life happening all around me. As you know from my previous post my health is a little everywhere, but besides that my life has just been in shambles. During my absence I unfortunately lost my god daughter. Although it is such a tragic experience it is common. 1 out of 4 woman will experience this lost. While some of us know the statistics it doesn't take any of the pain and hurt away from the ones left with a little piece of them missing. This has been sitting so heavy on my heart and it kills me that there is nothing I can do to lessen the pain for myself or my best friend. Nothing will ever take the pain away, but everyday I think about trying to make baby bee proud.
Most would say I am officially saying "goodbye" to you soon, but it really will be our first official hello. I have so much I want to say to you but there will be no time for all of that then. I guess the only thing I can do is write an open letter to you and keep talking to you like I have been. Nevertheless babygirl I love you, always and forever.
Dear Baby B,
Although we never got to meet I love you like you were my own. There is a million things we didn't get to experience together, but there is one thing that we did together and that was love your mother. I am glad she got to experience motherhood with you and that she has a beautiful angel watching over her. We all rather you be here with us, but we understand that one day we all be together again. When you left us I think my heart broke into three - one for your mom, you, and myself. I never fathomed the thought of not holding you, laughing with you, and experiencing all your first's with you.
I had a little "B" without having to have one myself. You will forever be my first god daughter. I look at the pictures and videos I have of you from doctor visits and smile. The first couple of times I cried, a lot, but now I can look at them with nothing but love in my heart. The video of you moving around will always be my favorite. Your mom will always be a mother because of you, and I will always love you more for making her one.
You will always have a piece of my heart B, always. It is crazy that I miss someone I never got to formally meet, but girl do I miss you. I know your grandmother is loving you to pieces right now and that brings my heart nothing but love. It makes me cry happy tears just thinking about it. You are so loved mama - you had nothing but love surrounding you. I've been looking down at my arm for days now just staring at your initials. You are forever with me and I promise I will forever be with you.
Your god mother adores everything that you were and are to me. You are my forever love.
Forever,
Big B