I have been trying to type a post for a couple days now, but times were a little hard over here. As you know I had to undergo another surgery (April 5th), and let me just say it was nothing that I expected. My doctor made it seem like it was a simple biopsy, that I would be in and out, and that it wouldn't be that invasive. I went to the bathroom and came back to the doctor taking about taking my appendix and one of my tubes. Totally wasn't prepared for that! I went into the OR honestly scared.
(*BUT, my doctor did tell me beforehand that my scans and labs came back perfect. That means your girl has no cancer in her body right now. COMPLETE WIN!)
I was in and out of the hospital that day. I almost passed out and then had two panic attacks when leaving the hospital. The first 24 hours post surgery were probably the toughest hours physically and mentally I've experienced in my life thus far. You never know how much you use your stomach muscles until you are hurt. Everything becomes 10x harder. I still refuse to sneeze to this day because it feels like my insides are going to explode. I say all that to say, this surgery took everything I had and then some.
I was technically still healing from the first surgery before having this one, so I believe my body was in a state of shock. Everything hurt and made me tired. Emotionally I felt drained and aggravated. It bothered me that I couldn't do things how I wanted or that I truly needed help doing just about everything. I literally could just lay down and sometimes that hurt. I have been confined to my apartment since February 20th and it shows haha. Some days are better than others, but whenever I am feeling very sad I just think about how grateful I am to be alive. That always put things in perspective for me.
It has been rough, but I finally feel semi normal and can move without wincing in pain. Mentally and emotionally I am feeling better and that is all I can ask for right now. I have a post op appointment next week and am cleared to go to work the following week. I can start "living" again. I will be 24 soon and I promise I will make it the best year of my life. I truly believe I deserve that.
Again, sharing this much is still hard for me but everyday it gets a little easier. This is my story.