A year ago today. Wow. What a difference a year can make.
I am not ready to explain the tattoo in its entirety just yet, but just know it was a day that I had to make a decision. It was the day I made a decision to take control. Life is a decision of choices and baby, did I have some choices to make. I could either stay in my then current situation or I could change. It all came down to that choice.
The options were living on autopilot/default or redesigning what my new normal would be. I made the decision to create my new baseline. Redefine life on my own terms. Design not default, which I ironically got tattooed on my body as well. I talked about that tattoo here.
November 11, 2022, I was sitting on my kitchen floor looking at my two-year-old in tears. It was"random" - we had just finished playing and I just started crying. It was months of piled-up emotions trying to break through the seams at that exact moment. She looked at me very confused and that made me feel worse. I don't mind showing my daughter emotions, but I knew this was a lot of emotions about to be let out. I won't say I was "broken", but I knew I was mentally and emotionally tapped out. My daughter kissed my forehead and said "It's k mama" - I knew I was about to lose it. I told my mom to hold London down for a minute and sat in the car and fucking lost it. If you know me I am not the sad crying type, so this shit shocked me. I kept saying "This is dumb" (which is really on brand for me). Now what, B? I am a solution-driven person so that is where the choices came into play. It was either basically give in/give up or flip this shit on its head. I promised myself I would NEVER feel like this again. Every day since 11/11/22 I have actively chosen to design what I wanted. Any time I feel like I am slipping back into autopilot or old patterns that don't suit my new baseline - I look down at my hand. The quickest reminder of the promise I made to never feel those feelings again. I can report back a year later that this year has been the most challenging but rewarding! I kept my promise to myself and it has stretched me every which way. It is like starting fresh. I have learned so much about myself this year. I am still learning. My daughter was right. It is okay. It will be okay. If you are at any crossroads in what decision to make - go with the one that scares you the most. It probably isn't an "easy" journey, but that is the one that will challenge you. That is where you will learn and grow. That is where your life begins. Make the choice. Create your new baseline. The irony Mogul Mom was born on this day.
B.
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